| Erring |
Drive safe |
Desperate for money |
Great white hunter |
A night out with "The Boys" |
Earring
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense". The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
"So, really? How long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in our bed."
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
This woke up the guy in the back-seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"
"We could really use the $200.00," she thinks and drops the towel a few inches.
Bill gasps at the sight and pulls out two more hundred-dollar bills and offers them to her too if she'll drop the towel altogether.
"Well, I've already compromised myself, and we COULD use the money," she thinks. She lets the towel fall to the floor. Bill takes a good look, thanks her, hands over the money, and leaves. She closes the door and goes back upstairs, just as her husband is getting out of the shower. He asks,
"Who was it, Honey?"
When she tells him it was Bill, he asks, "Did he say anything about the $400.00 he owes me?"
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, Marriott-Smalley went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw Marriott-Smalley lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened? Where is the lion? asked the chief.
"Forget the lion!" the hunter howled. "Which of you morons let the bull loose?"
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said...
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit,"cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.